Back to Uni

Well it was fun while it lasted. My 2 months off went slowly and pleasurably. During that time I played a lot of Richard Burns Rally and started participating more in the Friendly-Online-Gamers team. I'm now Game Leader for Richard Burns Rally and Battlefield 2. While I hope to still have the time for a round of BF2 here and there, I dont think it will be possible to keep my speed in RBR. Once the cricket season ends in a month or so I might have some more time to practice on weekends. Also during my "holidays" I started working with a mate from cricket on some of his software. That will hopefully continue throughout the year to bring in some $$ for me.

The year ahead is going to be full on. Final year project will be intense and the peripheral subjects will also take a lot of work. It might actually mean doing more than showing up to lectures and absorbing what's said for regurgitation in tests and exams. I'd say I'll need to pay more attention and start to walk and talk like a software engineer. Maybe not walk like... and come to think of it, not talk like either... but will have to know my shit as after this year there's no more Uni.

This year will put the acid test on how well my year of IBL (work experience) last year prepared me for more full on software engineering applications. To be honest I think DSTO can only prepare you for DSTO. But if I do go back, I'll be pretty well prepared.

I'm looking forward to the year. Also looking forward to resuming the relationship with Uni mates. Should be a fun year and with any luck an educational one.

The Best You've Ever Felt

I was thinking the other night, "I wonder which moment in my life so far provided me with the best feeling". I suppose it would be different for every person as they put emphasis on different aspects of life. I'm a bit of a believer in measuring your life in terms of how much happiness you've had. Here's a list of times when I felt the best I've ever felt...

- hitting the winning runs for my cricket team:
I was batting down the order and came in when we needed a lot of runs off not many balls. I nudged the ball around and my batting partner fluked a 6 over gully. Third ball of the last over I was on strike and we needed one run. I hit it to mid-on and took off, I slid through the crease on my knees pumping my fist. I'd scored the winning runs with 3 balls to spare.

- watching Michael Bevan hit a 4 off the last ball to beat the Windies:
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was staying up late at my grandparents' place. It was 7/80 when the others went to bed but I stayed up. I watched as Bevo constructed his innings. I never believed we could win until the last over. Bevo was brilliant and it came to needing 4 runs off 1 ball. The off-spinner bowled, Bevo opened up and smashed it straight. I knew straight away that he'd done it! I couldn't get to sleep for hours.

- seeing Simon Evans in the flesh driving in Rally of Melbourne 2003:
We got up early, drove out to the rally and set up in our road closure position. We waited for 2 hours and finally it was time for the cars to start arriving. We sat in the quiet waiting, waiting, then we heard the distant buzz of a car. It got closer and closer. It sounded like it was just around the corner but it took over 30 seconds to get to us. Closer and closer, louder and louder. Then the sound got really clear and I knew he was here. Popping and banging as he lifted slightly and left-foot braked for the corner and then into full view came a silver 1998 Subaru Impreza WRX STi completely sideways with headlights blazing. He drove it through the left hander coming towards us, then flicked it right, then more popping and banging as he braked and dropped a gear for the next corner, he hooked it into the left hander and went out of view. We were left with the incredible sound of a Group N4 Subaru and a prominent scent that only rally cars can make. The 4 hours of preparations and waiting were instantly worth it. My girlfriend who had been complaining all morning about the freezing cold ran up to me yelling "that was awesome! I'm definitely coming again tomorrow!" Simon Evans remains my favourite Australian driver.

- looking out over the Himalayas from a plane on the way home from Europe:
I'd just spend a great 3 weeks with dad travelling around Europe. We were now on a plane heading back from Germany to Singapore on the way home. The shutters on the windows of the 747 jumbo were closed and everyone was asleep (or trying to). I got restless and went to the back of the plane to the toilet. Before heading back to my seat I thought I'd have a look out a window back there to see if I could see some stars or something. I slid the shutter open about halfway and the whole cabin of the plane lit up! I quickly shut it and opened it about a centimetre. It was enough still to illuminate the whole cabin, but I had to have a look out. To my surprise I was struck by the best view I've ever seen to this day. A beautiful perfect sunny day lighting up a HUGE expanse of snowy mountains. Mountains all the way to the horizon. My heart stopped beating as I was completely awe-struck. I went back to my seat with the image burnt into my memory forever and a feeling of complete content. For that moment I was 100% happy.

- driving flat out in my little Civic on gravel one night near Healesville:
I love driving on loose surfaces (aka gravel). It makes me feel incredible. One night out in the forest on one of our typical adventures everything clicked. I felt fantastic and I was driving well. On three of my favourite roads I drove fast (but safely). I was so focussed and so in touch with the car that I was in control 100% of the time while still driving fast. That was one of the best nights of my life. That's why I aspire to be a rally driver. It gives me such deep inner pleasure that I must do it.

- skiing at Mt Buller on a perfect sunny day with no-one else on the mountain:
This was another incredible experience. Me and dad went up to Mt Buller for a couple of days. Sunday/Monday was all we could manage. The weather was okay on the Sunday but in the afternoon the wind was blowing, there were long queues for the chair-lifts and it was generally unpleasent. Then Monday came along. Monday was perfectly sunny and the wind was dead still. Because it was a weekday, literally everyone had left. Dad and I were the only ones on the whole chair-lift at one point. But the part where I almost died on my skis was when skiing to the Little Buller run. We were skiing along and just listening to the snow crackling under my skis. It was perfectly quiet appart from the snow beneath my skis and when I looked out to my left I almost fell over. There on my left was the second best view of my life... snow-capped mountains with rocks breaking through the snow making for a breath-taking view. That set the scene for the rest of the day and that remains the best day I've ever had at the snow.


So there are a few of the things that have made me happy to the core. It's interesting which experiences give you a utter satisfaction. Sex doesn't even come close in my top list.

Another point about religion

The concept of heaven seriously disturbs me. The idea that people who have done horrible, shocking things in their life have a place in heaven leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The thought that these people who are racist, sexist, cheats, insensitive, devoid of compassion, selfish, etc. all have a place in heaven because they:
A) believe in it, and
B) confess their sins.

I live my life with the intention of being respectful, considerate and fair. I try to do the right thing by everyone. I'd hope that regardless of whether I believe in it or not there'd be a place for me in heaven. There's a place for a rapist who confesses his sins, but not for me. These kinds of things put me off religion.


As a note, I have had the most exposure to Christianity so when I say "religion" it is mainly referring to that. But I think the points raised ring true across many religions. It may not be true for some religions, but if you have anything to say regarding what I've said, please send me a comment.

Religion Depresses Me

I wish I could put my feelings about religion into words. I can't at the moment but I'm working on it. I guess I can't believe it's lasted so long. Shouldn't the fact that religion has changed so much in the last 200 years be some sort of indication? Religion is evolving, but that is a mind-blowing concept.

I'll keep working on finding a way to accurately put my views into a readable piece of writing. In the meantime I'll give a few aspects. Religion gets me down, 'cos it's so divisive. So many wars have been fought on religious grounds and in my mind this is unneccesary bloodshed and hatred.

I don't like the way religion is used as a tool to pedal a person's agenda. George W Bush for instance. He uses God as a matter of course... "God bless America", "God is on our side", etc. Surely he can't believe God is on his side.

Most of religion is hopelessly out of date. So much so that everyone now picks and chooses which parts of their religion they want to follow/believe. Everyone has their own interpretation. While I like the idea of people forming their values themselves, I dont know why they still need religion. One main idea behind religion is that you follow its values and it gives everyone a good, moral set of values. I'd prefer people to make up their own mind. Dont cross the road when the green light comes on! Cross the road when you've made your judgement that it's safe to cross the road based on your knowledge and awareness.

What gets me stuck is how much influence God has in general everyday things. God supposedly has a plan. But I dont see at what point God sticks His hand in and changes things to execute the plan. When someone loses their house in a bushfire the claims if was God's doing... all part of His plan. I assume God doesn't influence phyical effects like gravity, evaporation, momentum, dimensions of objects, chemical structure of materials, etc. If He did then no calculations would be predictable. We wouldn't be able to calculate how fast our cars are going. So His influence must be on another level. I assume He doesn't control our brains. Our thought patterns are influenced by previous events just like physical effects are. So if God can't actively control the person's thoughts when they decided to light a fire in the woods, if He can't control the wind or the burning properties of wood, then how was this person's house burning down some part of God's plan? The only way I can see God having an influence on the way things pan out is if He calculated everything up before creating it all in the beginning and it is gradually happening over time.

Adam and Eve. That's a big sticking point for me as well. If you dont believe in evolution, wake up and smell the coffee. Evolution is everywhere on display for everyone to see. Evolution of species of animals happens over a fairly large time scale. For an easier example, look at TVs, look at cars. We didn't suddenly have the car. We engineered and refined it over many years to get it to the point it is now. It will continue to evolve as we put more ideas into it. You can track the evolution of the car back through the years and using a different technique, you can track back the evolution of humans. I'd like to explore that idea not deny it, track it back to see how far back we can go.

Most religion now accepts that we know the moon revolves around Earth, the Earth is a spheroid, rain is a condensation of previously evaporated water. How has religion survived all this knowledge we've gained? How does "fear of God" still exist? People are still able to use it to get people to do what they want them to do (and not to do). I dont get it. There are things we still dont know, but I'd like us to pursue the endeavour to work it out rather than simplifying it to being the work of God.


So they are some insights into my feelings on religion in general. I dont have a problem with people who are religious. People should be allowed to believe what they want to believe. If it makes them happy then it's a good thing as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. I have my own religion in a way. It's based on respect for yourself and others, respect for your surroundings. In my religion there is no afterlife. When you die, your brain stops working and you cease to think. As such everything for you stops and you effectively cease to exist. But of course parts of you live on in the personality of others (after all your personality is an amalgamation of other people's personalities). What my religion doesn't have is a theory of how it all began. The closest my religion has come is that it never began.

I will try to get a better description of my feelings towards religion but it's really, really hard. There are so many aspects to religion. Oh well, I hope this post made you think and formulate your own views on the subject.