Family

roots
the funny limbs that grow underground
that keep you from falling down
don't you think that you'll need 'em now

Ben Folds - Your Redneck Past

Tis very true! Roots are generally what keep you standing upright and for people who have them, they're a priceless source of happiness. I can't really word it properly, but I think you will know what I'm on about. Sometimes you dont appreciate it or value it as you should.

Because my parents have a dozen siblings, I now have a dozen aunties/uncles and a billion cousins. Because most of my aunties and uncles live interstate or overseas, it's easy to forget about them But they never forget about me. They're always asking about me and interested in how I'm going. It's something I haven't really understood, but now that I'm 23 and having young cousins growing up around the place I can understand it more. Through having so many cousins, I can see a huge difference in each of their personalities and how it links back to my extended family structure. I dont think it's a huge coincidence that all the closest cousins blood-wise (as opposed to half-cousins) share many of the traits that I do. Unsurprisingly they're a lot of the traits I like.

It's really interesting to see just how similar I am to some of my cousins. I have two cousins who have lived overseas or interstate all their lives and I only get to see them every now and again. Despite that, they're still really similar to me. It begs the question how much of it is down to genes and how much to parenting (since both my parents and their parents are similar). There is plenty of evidence of both things having an impact.

But back to the topic of family being friends you can't get rid of. Looking around at people who have and dont have supportive families, there's definitely a huge connection between having a good family and general wellbeing.

Unfortunately I'm too tired at the moment to put the words together properly to express what I'm actually thinking, but you get the idea. This is about when I start realising family rocks and maybe I do want kids after all.

Interpretation

You know what pisses me off? People interpreting your actions completely the wrong way.

I'm a quiet person for one reason or another. Why is being quiet associated with arrogance? People are so willing to take the worst possible interpretation of what you do. It's how online chat so often falls in a rhything heap of confusion and misinterpretation. When I dont say anything or struggle with words, it's not because I'm trying to craft my words so as to sensitively convey my negative thoughts in a more tactful way... it's because my brain and mouth are crap and struggle to say what I mean. And sometimes I say nothing because I'm thinking nothing.

I probably speak fewer words than the vast majority of people anywhere. On one hand I dont like it because I'm quiet, easy to ignore, easy to forget, it's assumed that I'm being arrogant and it's hard to let people know how you're feeling to remove their doubt... and on the other hand I like not having to put my 2c in all the time.

One thing I lament is having poor absorbtion skills. I suck at taking in information and listening. As a result, I always forget basic things about friends which I should know. What their birthday is, what course they're doing, where they're working, etc... important information goes through my brain like sugar through a sieve. I dont know why it happens but it certainly contributes to my communication woes. I won't be surprised if it hampers me for the rest of my life.

Bah

Why can't I just go rallying? Maybe I need to play more RBR. I played it for the first time in ages yesterday and it was a lot of fun. Great way to take the mind off things.

Almost went to a rave tonight. Weord to say the least. Didn't end up going for a variety of reasons I'm not completely sure about even now. But in the end, it didn't feel comfortable as a #2 tag-along and in any case there will be more opportunities.
Glad to've saved some money which might buy a tank of petrol for a nice drive/picnic later this month.

While the Weltmeisterschaft (World Cup) keeps my hours nocturnal, work and exam preparation (procrastination) keep my brain in a weird mild depression. Probably as depressed as I get as I'm not one for proper depression. If I get too down I generally draw way back and look at the big picture to find that it's not so bad. That in turn gives me a fairly laid back attitude to life which doesn't help with my procrastination and the subsequent mild depression. See any pattern forming here? Infinite loop.

What keeps me from cycling continuously through the pattern is external distractions. Girls, sport and driving are all good for that. Although thinking about girls makes me miss having a good relationship, it's a distraction from the norm... or is it just additional complication?

Speaking of girls... man, there are so many girls out there who I could not bear to live with. Really weird. You'd think people would be more compatable. Pity the few girls with personalities I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me and my personality.